Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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