who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
