I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
