well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The air was thick with penises
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
