This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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