youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
