I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
