Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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