Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
