i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
