He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
