you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
