My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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