shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
