I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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