I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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