Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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