I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
