Sponge bath it is.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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