bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just google imaged poop.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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