ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
