So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
