just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
