As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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