My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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