Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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