Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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