I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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