i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
