If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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