even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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