Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize