I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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