I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
People in love make me want to vomit
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
