I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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