True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
