I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
