I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
