i just made my gag reflex go away.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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