Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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