he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
