You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
