when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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