i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
