I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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