All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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