he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
