She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
