He is such a slut. More and more my type.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
