You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
