In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
