dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
