I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
