a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
