You really coming over, don't trick.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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