Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
