Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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