it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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