So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She bit a glass in half.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
