Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
