I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
