On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
