his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
