you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
