I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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