I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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