so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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