I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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