Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
