you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
