the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
