yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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