Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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