ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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