I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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