I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
where are you?
Hypothermia
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
