Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
